InuYasha twisted till you dunno whats happening!
by Hitory Shushijuu
Summary: When someone says Dont click on this how many would? If the person before me got their head blown off, I'd probably still click it just to see what else it did, so...I don't know where I'm going with this...
1. Owr heroes encounter an unlikely foe

I don't own InuYasha or like…anything except the shoes on my feet. HAHAHA! I'm not wearing any shoes! So um yeah that's my disclaimer...if u don't like it than that's too damn bad u can't sew me like I said I have no money.

**Chapter 1: In which InuYasha and the gang encounter an unlikely foe**.

"Kagome?" asked InuYasha.

"Yes, InuYasha?"

"Well, I've been wondering…Why do you have that bicycle, if you never ride it, even when we are walking a long way?"

"Ummm…good point. I guess it's kind of like…my trade mark." Kagome said in a slight tone of annoyance.

"But it doesn't matter. You have it, but I still always get stuck hauling your fat ass everywhere. And still, even if it _is_ your "trademark" you could at least _ride_ it!" InuYasha said, his voice growing angry.

"Ok, let's break this up." Miroku said in his best tone of reasoning.

"They are always looking to start a fight." Sango sighed disappointedly.

"I'm not looking to start a fight, I'm just pointing out how retarded it is that Kagome has a bicycle but I end up carrying her anyways!" InuYasha said, in protest of Sango's comment.

"He has a point." Miroku said, as Sango nodded her head.

"Oh, I see how it is, everyone is on _his_ side. Well, fine! Why don't I just leave!"

"Well…ok, that sounds good." InuYasha said with a calm voice.

"Yeah, I'm ok with that" Miroku said.

"Well…bye Kagome" said Sango seemingly unfazed by Kagome's threats to depart.

"NO! Don't go Kagome! You are a valuable asset to our group! " Shippo said, with tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Shippo, you won't be able to stop me this time."

"Well, bye guys. It's been fun. I'll miss you." And with that Kagome left.

"Jeeze, does she have to do that every single day?" asked InuYasha after Kagome had walked off.

"More or less" Miroku answered.

"She will be back by lunch" Shippo betted.

"No way, within an hour at the most." Sango said.

"Yeah, probably," and with that, the bets were placed, and our gang set off into the forest.

They walked in silence for a time but after about twenty minutes later Kagome rejoined the gang.

"Damnit, I'm out twenty bucks. I thought for sure I'd win this time…" Shippo sighed

"Hahaha! Pay up, sucker!" Sango laughed and held out her hand with an evil grin.

"Sango, I sense a dark cloud surrounding you." Miroku declared in a mystical voice.

"Oh God, Miroku, get your whore-money somewhere else! I'm not buying it!" Sango shouted angrily.

"Hmm that one usually works…" Miroku muttered under his breath.

"Aaahhhhh!" screeched a voice from the distance

"Wow, that sounds just like Shippo when he's having——well, never mind" InuYasha exclaimed.

"OH MY GOD! InuYasha, _Osuwari!_"

At Kagome's words, InuYasha face-planted into the ground.

"I give it a 7.5 for execution, and a 9 for the landing." Shippo said.

"She is a cruel mistress…" sighed Miroku, shaking his head had InuYasha crumbled body.

"Damn, I usually get at least an 8 on execution I don't know what in doing wrong…" InuYasha pondered to him self.

"Wait, who?" asked Sango, confused about what had just happened as she'd been busy counting her money to make sure that cheep-skate-Shippo hadn't cheated her by using all ones.

"I don't even know anymore, I try to zone him out." said Shippo adding his two-cents where they were _clearly_ not wanted.

"Well anyways, let's go check out that random scream…Cummon gang!" InuYasha said trying to hide his excitement.

"Man, what the hell is this? Scooby Doo?" Sango asked.

"OO-OO-OO I wanna be Freddy!" exclaimed InuYasha.

"No way! I'm Freddy!" said Shippo

"Than what am I?" InuYasha asked

"Well duh! You are Scooby Doo."

"And if you are Scooby Doo, than I am Shaggy, because you are my puppy!" Kagome said in her best sexy voice.

"Oh God, that's _sick_! GET A ROOM!" Shippo exclaimed.

"Well than, I guess we are Freddy and Daphne" Miroku said eyeing Sango.

"Then who gets to be Velma? Cuz hell knows Shippo is dumber than a retarded-monkey Sango said bluntly.

"Retarded by human-standards or by monkey-standards…it makes a difference you know." Miroku stated

"Monkey" said Shippo. "Yeah, I know I'm more stupider than a very stupidy monkey."

"Ummm…yeah, did anyone catch that?" asked InuYasha.

"Nope, not me" Kagome answered.

"Ok, for real" said Miroku "we should go check-out that scream."

"Oh yeah… he's prolly dead by now, but we might be in time to poke his dead body before anyone notices and cares." InuYasha always did know how to have fun.

"Yay! I love doing that! Let's go!" and with that Shippo started running down the path.

**:A few moments later they arrived at the place where the scream was heard:**

"Wow there where a lot of people in this town I mean damn…that's a lot of dead bodies" InuYasha commented blandly.

"OH MY GOD! It's Naraku!" exclaimed Shippo, who actually seemed surprised.

"Okay…who saw that one coming?" said InuYasha disappointed "Cuz I sure did…"

"I mean, the title is an UNLIKELY foe, I was guessing, like, Shippo's-father-turned-to-the-dark-side or something…" said Sango.

"Yeah, Naraku is in every fuggin episode" Kagome said annoyed.

"WOW the main villain, what a surprise! Oh, and it's a puppet too oh my goodness like those aren't in EVERY episode!" Sango yelled sarcastically.

"Ok, this is stupid. Let's leave," InuYasha said disappointed.

"Hey where are you going?" Naraku (well his puppet) said.

"Well, we're just saying you aren't worth our time" Miroku sighed.

"Oh well ok…Bye then" Naraku said calmly

"See he's not such a bad guy after all" Kagome said

"Yeah like Hitler he wasn't ALL bad…well he was mostly bad but….ok I don't know where I'm going with this." said Shippo again, with his unwanted-two-cents.

**:And with that said, our heroes set-off:**

"Aaaahhhh!" cried a strange voice from the distance.

"Oh my God, what now!" demanded InuYasha.

**: To be continued:**


	2. OH MY FRIGGIN' GOD ZOMBIES!

Insert unwanted disclaimer here

**Chapter 2:OH MY FRIGGIN GOD ZOMBIES!**

"Hmmmm" Kagome sighed.

"What the hell is wrong now? Like the last 37 times you did that you asked for a piggy-back ride, then a soda" InuYasha said, clearly annoyed.

"Well…I am thirsty…I wanna soda!" Kagome whined.

"Err! Will she ever shut the hell up!" Sango groaned.

"Gimme a soda! I'm hungry! I want some popcorn!" Kagome yelled, as Shippo started to cry from the headache Kagome had given him with her incessant bitching.

"Psst! Miruko," InuYasha whispered, "let's knock her out and dump her in the forest."

Miroku nodded his head and passed the message on to Sango.

"Ok, on 3!" InuYasha said. "Oooooooooooooooooooooone," but before Inuyasha had even reached about 1 and a half, Miroku and Sango had Kagome sedated with a tranquilizer dart, and had stuffed her in a large sack.

"Wow, that was easier than I thought it was gunna be. I figured she would bitch-slap me or try to pull my hair." Sango said, surprised.

"Well, she _is_ Kagome, whining is the worst she can do to hurt someone, although that can sometimes be fatal." Miroku clarified.

"Ok, where should we put her?" InuYasha asked.

"Well…we gotta put her where she will starve to death _before_ she hits any towns," Miroku explained.

"Good plan! It's fool-proof." Sango observed.

"Ok, here's the plan" InuYasha said as he picked up a conveniently placed, perfectly shaped, stick from the ground and started drawing a map.

"We will walk to the center of the forest and throw her in the bushes!" InuYasha said in a cheery voice.

"Was that whole map-deal necessary?" Miroku asked.

"No…no, it was not. But I did it anyways, and there's nothing that can stop me from doing it again" InuYasha said in an extremely monotone voice.

"Umm…okay…" Miroku said confusedly, wondering what InuYasha was talking about.

"Well, we better get going. Kagome might wake up soon and we don't want her thrashing in that bag," Sango said.

**: And with that our heroes set off to dump Kagome's body in the forest:**

"Why is Kagome in that bag? It doesn't look very comfortable," elicited Shippo.

"Kagome is taking a vacation." Miroku explained, as he heaved Kagome's body in the bushes.

"Are you sure that's what she wants?" Shippo asked hesitantly.

"Oh, of course! She _loves_ doing this!" Inuyasha exclaimed.

"Well, I guess so…" Shippo said, as he noticed he was alone.

**: A few moments later:**

"Oh this is sooo much better!" Sango exclaimed.

"It seemed almost _too_ easy," Miroku said.

"What did?" Kagome asked.

"What- how the hell? How did you get back!" InuYasha said with surprise.

"Did I go somewhere?" Kagome asked innocently "Well, never mind, I wanna soda!"

"I know where you're going!" Sango said as she knifed Kagome in the back, "Hell, if were lucky."

"Well…" Miroku said as he kicked her dead body, "stab her a few more times…you know, just for good measure."

"Yea, we don't want her coming back again" InuYasha commented.

"That doesn't look like a vacation to me…" Shippo said in a worried voice.

"What do you mean? She's sleeping, that's all." Sango explained.

"I'm not sure if what you are doing is right." Shippo said again, in a worried voice.

"What do you mean? This is just like when you cheat at cards." Sango said annoyed.

"Oh! I get it now." Shippo exclaimed, "You are trying to kill her! Why didn't you say so? Cheating, lying, and having sex with girls I don't even _know_, is what I do best!"

"Umm…" InuYasha said, "I'm just going to ignore that."

"Yeah, same here," Sango and Miroku said at the same time.

"Jinx! You owe me a coke!" Sango yelled.

"How do you figure that?" Miroku asked.

"I don't even know…" Sango said in a sad tone.

"Aww, its okay Sango, don't be sad." Kagome said comfortingly, "I know soda makes _me_ feel better."

"OH MY GOD! Please just die and leave us alone!" InuYasha screamed as there was a rustle in the bushes

"What was that?" Sango asked, as it grew strangely quiet.

"Hi guys! For some reason I dozed off and woke up in a bag in the bushes, crazy ain't it?" Kagome said.

"OH-MY-GOD-WHO-IS-THAT?" Kagome asked in shock, "She looks just like me— Except no where near as beautiful…"

"What is going on?" asks yet another Kagome

"OH MY GOD! There are three!" InuYasha said as he started to cry.

"They're ZOMBIES!" Shippo yells as he starts to back up.

"Kill them!" Sango yelled as she started killing the rabid Kagome's by whatever means was the fastest.

"There are too many!" Miroku said as Kagomes flooded out of the trees

"RETREAT!" Inuyasha yelled, but it seemed to be too late, the kagomes had surrounded them.

**:It seems too late for our heroes, but guess it can't be too bad cuz there's another chapter… :**


	3. Rubberbands and Margaritas

This is where my disclaimer should be but I don't really care

**Chapter 3: Rubberbands and Margaritas**

"I'm wondering how we lived through that but I've learned not to question things…especially food" Inu Yasha said.

"Well I think I'm a fine cook" Shippo added.

"Fine cook, or fine _to_ cook" Inu Yasha alluded.

"Agreed," said Miroku.

"Well, due to our group dynamics, I must agree." Sango replied. Strangely, Kagome said nothing because she was head banging to Hilary Duff.

"Damn that music…" Miroku cursed.

It was almost silent excluding the screeching noise coming from Kagome's headphones, which were said to have the best filter system, so that no noise could be heard except by the one listening, (obviously a lie) but it seemed that Kagome had it turned up so loud, the person next to her would get their eardrums blown out.

The gang was again walking through a forest, somewhere in feudal Japan, where you could kill your best friend and it was just considered the hidy-ho of the town. There was no kind of game that didn't include killing or getting drunk, which doesn't sound so bad to the average housewife. Of course, Inu Yasha had passed his time with Billy-bob and his squirly-trunk, but those were sissy drinking games…plus, Miroku always won at that game. It was hard for Inu Yasha to remember that he's supposed to sit on the trunk _before_ he eats the porcupine. So, at this point, Inu Yasha had decided to think up his own game, and since they seemed to always be walking in the forest, he would think of one now.

_Maybe, you could have to spin in circles and jump up and down while drinking tequila…naw that's too hard you would barf before you could even down a shot…hmmm I GOT IT! You could stand on one foot and drink Canadian whisky while singing Christmas songs…wait that's too much like that one with the mouse…hmm, damn this is hard._

**:After a long while of thinking…:**

_Ok, so I'll stretch a rubberband around my head and drink margaritas, while singing that fish song. How did it go again? Blub blub blub… oh, now I remember…_

"Hey how about we stop at the next town and have a few drinks tonight?" Miroku said conveniently.

_Ha ha, a perfect chance to try out my new game!_

"Hey, and while we're there, I need to stop at Ye Ol' Randome Stuffe Shope," Inu Yasha put in.

**:later that night approaching the town:**

"I don't see it" Shippo said as he tried to navigate the town using an old map of some outdated forest directory.

"There it is!" Sango said, as she pointed toward a huge neon light that read: Ye Ol' Randome Stuffe Shope.

"I thought you said you were illiterate, Sango?" Miroku wondered.

"And dyslexic." She confirmed.

"…too…many…big…words…brain…hurting…loosing…smarts…self…narration…ending," Shippo spluttered.

"Wait…dyslexic isn't a big word. It only has seven letters—wait…okay, fine eight letters." Kagome bantered.

"Okay, it is a big word: it has eight letters." Inu Yasha decided.

"I thought ten letters or more made it a big word?" Miroku told them.

"I thought it just had to contain an X, Z, Y, and/or V?" Sango pondered.

"But what about x-ray, or…" Miroku argued.

"—or Xylophone." Inu Yasha added.

"But Xylophone is a big word." Shippo confirmed.

"No, it doesn't have ten letters." Miroku countered.

"Candy is a big word." Kagome intervened.

"er…no. It's not Kagome. Go back to your happy-place." Inu Yasha deadpanned.

"They don't want me there." Kagome cried.

"Well, we don't want you either." Sango said spitefully as the entered Ye Ol' Randome Stuffe Shope and headed toward the customer service counter.

"May I help you?" Some underpaid teenager asked.

"Yes, where would the rubberbands be?" Inu yasha queried.

"Isle seven, next to the Mister-Buggy dolls, of course."

Inu Yasha thanked him and the gang head to the elusive isle seven. He started looking near the mister-buggy dolls, and to his dismay, all they had, were orange rubberbands, when Inu Yasha clearly wanted light-red. He had to settle for orange, because there was no time for sulking, this was serious business.

As they approached the register, they spotted a register lady that looked strangely familiar…

"OH MY GOD, SESSHOUMARU! What the hell are you doing here?" Inu Yasha exclaimed.

"What are you talking about, this is my day job." Sesshoumaru answered, clearly offended.

"Do you have a night job?" Kagome asked, this being the first semi-intelligent thing she'd said all month, let alone all chapter.

"Well, I was a ninja, but…I wasn't aggressive enough, so they had to let me go…it wasn't their fault, really." Sesshoumaru said sadly, "But I got to pay the rent somehow…"

"Do you even _have_ a house?" Sango said quizzically.

Sesshoumaru nodded toward a small, cardboard box in the gutter.

"I see…" Miroku said.

"What kind of mortgage you got on that thing?" Inu Yasha asked, not knowing what else to say.

"You know, low APR financing, not so bad really, I was lucky to get it in such great condition, with housing prices through the roof."

"Still not much of a house…" Shippo muttered.

"Well, do you think you could take care of these rubberbands for me?" Inu yasha asked.

"Sure thing, Bro!" Sesshoumaru said and rang it up, "Don't want to see my Home-fly bangin' without a man's rubberbands."

"Err,…right…you betcha'…." Inu Yasha said confusedly as he paid for his purchase and they headed out the door.

"So…that was…different." Miroku said.

"Well, now that _That's_ over with, lets head to Ye Ol' Saloon." Inu Yasha said.

"Hey, aren't Saloon's western? That's like ten genres from here." Sango mentioned.

"Well, they have them in TRIGUN, and they're like on Mars or something." Inu Yasha said defensively.

"It's the planet GUNSMOKE!" Shippo exclaimed angrily.

"Whatever." Inu Yasha said as he pushed open the double-swinging doors of the Saloon and walked up to the bartender demanding ten margaritas, as he whipped out his rubberbands.

"Here's how the game goes!" he said, "You stretch a rubber band over your head, and start singing 'Little fish', and everytime you get to a new verse, or mess up, you have to drink a margarita. If you pass out, you loose. Plus each time you drink a margarita you have to stretch another rubberband over your head. The one with the most rubberbands who is still conscious wins. "

Although they all agreed, extremely confused, the game started. About two hours later, Miroku had so many rubber bands over his head; he couldn't open his mouth wide enough to drink the margarita, so they had to get him a straw, as for the song, he could somehow still sing.

_Little fish, little fish, swimming throught the waaaaaaaaaaater,_

_Little fish, little fish—gulp gulp gulp…_

_Little fish got eaten by…_

_Bigger fish, bigger fish, swimming throught the waaaaaaater,_

_Bigger fish, bigger fish—gulp gulp gulp…_

_Bigger fish got eaten by…_

Tuna fish, tuna fish, swimming throught the waaaaaaaaaaater… 

It went like this for some time, then at about 4 AM, Inu Yasha and Miroku called a tie.

**:Although our heroes were very drunk and delusional, they managed to gather their passed out comrades and carry them safely to the inn Where they woke up with humongous hangovers:**

**The moral of this story?**

**Little fish get eaten by bigger fish who in turn get eaten by Tuna fish.**

**To be continued…? **


End file.
